Assignment for my creative writing class, see this post for context!
09/23/19, Day 1 Daily writing prompt: “The one ironclad rule is that I…” Assignment: From this prompt, write for 20 minutes (or longer), don’t put the pen down. Can be fiction, non-fiction, or hybrid.
The one ironclad rule is that I pursue intrinsic joy and motivation. For too long, I have done things because I felt that I “should” do them. I should go to law school. I should be a lawyer. Or, conversely, I have avoided doing things because I “shouldn’t” do them. I shouldn’t quit my job which makes me deeply unhappy, because I worked so hard to get to where I am, and because I have the privilege of having a good paying job with good benefits, and so many people would kill to have this privilege. I shouldn’t try a pole dancing class, because it’s “slutty” and people would judge me and stare down their nose at me. So many of my decisions in life have been dictated by what society says is right.
Motivation came from outside of myself, from extrinsic sources that promised that happiness and fulfillment would come if only I followed the “right” formula – do A followed by B, then C, and before you know it BAM here comes joy. Get a doctorate degree, press your nose to the grindstone in your career, “prove your worth” and don’t take vacations because you can’t afford to slip up or relax, don’t you want to be successful? Following the formula did lead to “success” – in the societal definition, but I wasn’t happy. Is anyone happy when they make decisions that are dictated for them? I pondered the same question that the venerable Brene Brown presented: “Are we ‘should-ing’ all over ourselves?”
Over the last few years, I have slowly decided to not follow this formula. I have decided to look inside myself to find direction, to tap into that internal compass inside me which quietly points me in the right direction. Not the “right” direction that comes from what society dictates is the norm, and what we “should” want in life. But the direction that comes from within, that says, “Hey yeah, try this thing you’ve always been curious about, sure it sounds a little crazy/weird, but doesn’t it also sound truly and purely fun?” It’s tapping into this “gut” sense, and determining what intrinsically motivates me, which has helped me to shift my perspective. If something sparks curiosity inside me, if an idea triggers excitement and wonder? That’s a good sign.
Furthermore, if a topic or idea comes up and my “gut” responds with a “meh” or fatigue, even if intellectually the idea “makes sense” or “has value” – I will proceed with caution, or perhaps not proceed at all.
I try to distinguish between this “gut excitement” vs “gut malaise.” Because this difference determines when my intrinsic compass is pointing toward true north and joy.